I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize