It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
3 2 1 whiskey
Randomize
