I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
