wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
