Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
