I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
