So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
