you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
