God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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