I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
