is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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