when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I want to be your penis for a week.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
