just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
