Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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