You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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