They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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