Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
