I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Two words: blizzard sex
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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