My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
