oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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