i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
