woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm just crazy horny about you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
