Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
