You're completely useless in the revolution.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
