I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
