She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
