Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
