I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
