I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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