90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
