We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
