He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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