Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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