is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
