I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Randomize
