I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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