from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
