Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
