I'd wear matching sweaters with you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
