Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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