Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
