she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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