all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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