I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
