I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
