OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
its liver damage thursday
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize