M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
