I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
