Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
