Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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