I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So much Jack, so little girl.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
