Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
