lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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