My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
