Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
