So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize