Define "chronic" masturbator.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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