Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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