i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just invented taco cereal.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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