can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
