I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
