she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
