Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
