the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
