Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He better not be in your backpack
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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