I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
