my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
