The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
