let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
