I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
