called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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