Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
