She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
