It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
