I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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