We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We smell like vodka and hangover
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
