plz talk dirty to me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
