Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
