I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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